streaming meanderings

Pop-up adds on the internet are the biggest pain in the ass. There you are, just trying to read or get something else accomplished, and then suddenly, POP! a little box jumps onto your computer screen and screams, LOOK AT ME, LOOKE AT ME, LOOK AT ME. Let me guess, I'm the 1,263,452,301 visitor to this sight and that means I win something? Great. Now all I have to do is click on this button and read this add, oh, and fill in this survey... What's that? There's another page of special offers I just have to see? Ok, well, I mean if I just have to look for a minute. A free I-Pod would be cool. Yeah, "free". And the boxes open one, after the other, until finally they ask for your credit card number. Hmmm, now why would they need a credit card number if it is free? Oh, and hopefully you didn't put your real email address in all those little forms and surveys you filled out... because the next time you check email, you will have 10 messages from god knows where with more "free" offers and "great deals".

So, now it's an hour later, and I can't remember what I was doing before all this started. In the last hour, I think I entered a poetry contest... I might be getting some coupons in the mail for chocolate chips... that vacation offer was kind of tempting... but I stopped myself before I slid all the way down the slippery slope of free offers. Man, they ask for my credit card number, and I have to draw the line. No free IPod today. Bummer.

Sometimes there is just too much going on to write about. Especially when most of it is internal activity. What you think. What you feel. The transition of perspective and belief.

I want…
It changes every week. I want to be a rockstar. I want to be super-mom. I want to be famous. I want to be rich. I want to sleep. I want world peace. I want to run away. I want to be happy. I want simplicity. I want to sit quietly. I want to party. I want love. I want to be alone. I want everything. I don’t want anything. We never want the same thing, but we always want the same things.

We are nothing if not creatures of extreme habit. It makes us comfortable. Consistency. Then, some of us consistently want change, maybe because change has become a habit. However, we still crave consistency, and so we are never truly comfortable with the changes. Yet, we don’t know how to change.

I ask myself daily, what do I want? The answer is always changing.

I want to rock. Not to necessarily be a rock star, but I want to be able to stand up on a stage and play an electric guitar. I want to eat the mic and flail around on stage. To moan and wail song lyrics with an energy that pulses and inspires. I want to write songs like Patti Smith in the 70's, with Gwen Stefani's energy and girlyness, while channeling a little of the raw and wild sexuality of Courtney Love. Tired of tamely strumming acoustic guitar, melodic with melancholy and love. I don't want to sit on a stool and croon. Give me throbbing bass and a driving beat. Dirty hair and tattoos. I wanna rock.