Monday, November 17, 2008
Today’s challenge is this: How do I raise my daughters to have dreams and ideals, while still preparing them for disappointment and loneliness? I know my parents never prepared me for the loneliness, but it came.
I look at my life and think of the compromises I’ve made, in order to make certain I could have some of the things I wanted. You can’t have everything… or can you? Have I been weak, or is the ability to adjust my expectations a strength? I don’t have the answer to that. Many of my single girlfriends are in their mid to late thirties and still waiting to meet Mr. Right and settled down. Have they been more true to themselves, or are they being unrealistic? Did they grow up with too many fairytales of Prince Charming and “happily ever after”? Will their perseverance be rewarded, while I enviously watch from the sidelines? I don’t know. Sometimes, when they tell me how they are lonely, I want them to know that I am too. Then, there are times when they talk about the children and the security they long for – for which I am often shamefully ungrateful - and I wonder if I should warn them that they may need to lower some of their expectations, before their time runs out.
So, who is happier, the lonely housewife or the independent woman? I have people who will keep me company and care for me if I live to be old and decrepit. My children and my husband (should I predecease him) will mourn for me and remember me after I am gone. However, a single woman still has her dreams and the freedom to pursue those dreams unhindered. She still has hope that someday she will have this great love, that she will connect with someone and truly be seen. And who knows, she might be rewarded for holding out and not compromising, or she could reprioritize and end up like me.
Still, all I have to do is look at my little girls to know that, regrets and loneliness aside, I wouldn’t have it any other way. For them, I would compromise, but they deserve to have it all.
I look at my life and think of the compromises I’ve made, in order to make certain I could have some of the things I wanted. You can’t have everything… or can you? Have I been weak, or is the ability to adjust my expectations a strength? I don’t have the answer to that. Many of my single girlfriends are in their mid to late thirties and still waiting to meet Mr. Right and settled down. Have they been more true to themselves, or are they being unrealistic? Did they grow up with too many fairytales of Prince Charming and “happily ever after”? Will their perseverance be rewarded, while I enviously watch from the sidelines? I don’t know. Sometimes, when they tell me how they are lonely, I want them to know that I am too. Then, there are times when they talk about the children and the security they long for – for which I am often shamefully ungrateful - and I wonder if I should warn them that they may need to lower some of their expectations, before their time runs out.
So, who is happier, the lonely housewife or the independent woman? I have people who will keep me company and care for me if I live to be old and decrepit. My children and my husband (should I predecease him) will mourn for me and remember me after I am gone. However, a single woman still has her dreams and the freedom to pursue those dreams unhindered. She still has hope that someday she will have this great love, that she will connect with someone and truly be seen. And who knows, she might be rewarded for holding out and not compromising, or she could reprioritize and end up like me.
Still, all I have to do is look at my little girls to know that, regrets and loneliness aside, I wouldn’t have it any other way. For them, I would compromise, but they deserve to have it all.
